


Little Talks

by astr0cat



Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 11:19:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14933238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astr0cat/pseuds/astr0cat
Summary: VERY OLD GARBAGEWARNING: CANCER





	Little Talks

I don't like walking around this old and empty house

Loki flinched softly as a step creaked under his weight, Thomas’ house so familiar yet so foreign. Being here for almost a year you'd think he'd have gotten used to the tiny noises. It was so desolate here. Tom never owned much, travelling so often and all. It had also made the Brit quite uncomfortable to own an abundance of things the god had found out within months of knowing the man. With this knowledge, neither of them had bothered to fill up the empty shelves, mostly due to it just being Loki that sheltered in the house.

So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear

The ravenette cringed as another step whined, cursing his fragility. He was a wanted criminal back in Asgard, having fled the realm in search of safety five years ago. Small things that should not have set him off did. Another step, another tense of his muscles. But when he looked up, he found the brunette smiling down at him, stepping down a few stairs to take Loki's hand into his own. “Come now, love. Back to bed shall we?”

The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake

The wind roared outside and Loki could swear it was Odin's voice booming at him from above. The bastard of a man on an unending search for the young God. Branches outside tapped at the window like claws against a chalkboard and the ravenette curled into himself. His cold, protected mask had dropped and broken to the ground when he had met the actor. His doppelganger bringing out this...this foreign vulnerability. A step outside the door creaked and Loki sat up, rigid and still.

It's the house telling you to close your eyes

Thomas stirred beside him, his warm palm coming to rest calmingly on the man’s shoulder. “Dear, it's the walls telling you to rest. The ghosts within are telling you to be at peace. Listen to them, heed their advice. They mean well, they just have different ways of telling us to relax.” Loki had hesitated, mind lingering on his lover's words before eventually nodding and limply letting himself hold Thomas, his larger frame enveloping the Brit’s easily.

And some days I can't even dress myself

The god had awakened that morning with his mortal already out of the house, no doubt on his way to work. The ravenette had huffed softly before unwillingly climbing out of the warm haven. His long legs carrying him over to the dresser, where his slim fingers tugged at the drawers. He managed to stumble upon one of Tom's button up shirts, a crisp white one, a pair of black slacks resting beside the piece of cloth. With trembling fingers, the god attempted to slide on the snowy cotton, his actions causing him to fumble with the buttons. Eventually he gave up, the struggle having gone on for a good few minutes.

It's killing me to see you this way

Unknown to Loki, the brunette hadn't gone to his occupation quite yet. Instead he had leaned inside the bedroom, had intended on kissing the ravenette goodbye but found himself stuck where he was, frown evident on his face. His god was so afraid. Afraid and trembling, getting spooked over small creaks in the night and if Tom could do anything about it, he would.

'Cause though the truth may vary

The actor had quietly stepped out of the doorway and walked over to the ravenette, which in return jumped in surprise, muscles growing tense from where he stood. Thomas’ frown didn't disappear and he brought his arms up, letting them fly out to his side's invitingly. With sparkling, verdant eyes and furrowed brows, Loki accepted the invitation and nestled into the brunette's hold.

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

 

Tom was angry that someone, something could frighten his beloved so much, angry that he couldn't do anything about it. He was one step above being completely, utterly useless and he despised the fact he couldn't do more. Even if he tried, tried as damn hard as he could, it was up to the ravenette to decide if it was enough.

There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back

The brunette had kissed him on the forehead before murmuring soft words, throwing the idea that he could remain at home for the day out for Loki to grab. The god had refused, he had always been stubborn to admit he needed comfort, too stubborn to take Tom away from his job just for the sole purpose to comfort him. Little chants would ring through his head, awful chants, statements that the ravenette used to inform his lover about. Those days were gone though and Loki dealt with the voices on his own out of sheer stubbornness.

Well tell her that I miss our little talks

Of course the Brit had noticed that their conversations about these frights had diminished, becoming non existent within the years passing. He missed them, had desperately attempted to grab onto them again. It had helped the god relax, loosen up when the times called...but now...now he was even on the edge when in the safety of their bedroom, when sleep was close to claiming him.

Soon it will be over and buried with our past

The god sat perched on one of the comfortable chairs within the living room, legs tangled up to his chest as he curled in on himself. How much longer would he last, what would he do once his mortal perished? A shiver danced across his spine and he brought his pale palms up to cradle his skull.

We used to play outside when we were young

When they had first met, Thomas had taken his god out into public, enjoying sweet sundaes and the smell of fresh air. No longer did the ravenette venture out into the world with the brunette, deciding it was safer inside the house. Either way, he still jumped and grew still when the wind howled.

And full of life and full of love.

 

And when the brunette looked into those verdant eyes he could only see the dullness, the chill that vibrated within them. Thomas would embrace him then, play with his hair and coo softly nothings into his ear.

Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I'm right

It was on rare occasions that Loki would speak of his thoughts, stating that he knew he wasn't correct over what he had heard but Tom had told him it was true. Both right and wrong at the same time. The god had said he had heard a booming sound within the heavens, like Thor was attempting to find him through screams of thunder. The Brit had told him it was indeed thunder, perhaps not his brother but it was indeed thunder.

Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear

Multiple times the god had claimed to have seen Odin resting against a wall in the hallway, just waiting to shackle Loki once more. Thomas had grown worried, the urge to comfort strong within him. He had went up to the ravenette, letting his slender digits play with the ebony curls. “Illusions and lies, my love. They are nothing,” Tom had said, “nothing at all.”

'Cause though the truth may vary

The god had once given his reasons for remaining silent and it was up to the actor to decide if they were the truth. Biting his lip, he had settled on the thought that his beloved would not lie about such things, that he would certainly explain his problems when he felt the time called.

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

But it was on days like this that Loki would grow nervous, start a fight over nothing in his fear. He would scream, he would shout. He would holler and bellow out insults at Thomas.

Don't listen to a word I say

It always ended with tears dripping down Tom’s eyes and the Brit never learned to cease his actions. He was just so damn kind, too damn thoughtful. He wanted to assist in helping with things he just couldn’t.

The screams all sound the same

 

Loki would interrupt himself to stop his screams, brows furrowing down as he heard the soft cries emitted from the man in front of him. And he would apologize, he would apologize because it was not his place to screech at someone who was only trying to help solve his jumbled puzzle.

Though the truth may vary

It had been days since then, weeks even and the god was still on edge, temper barely contained within its poorly made prison.

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

No matter how awful things seemed to get, Tom would always remind Loki that they would make it through this. That things would be alright, that things would settle themselves out. The ravenette was hesitant on the idea, a seemingly permanent frown placed upon his snowy lips. But then he snapped, his anger unraveling into tiny threads of hatred, hatred aimed at himself. He screamed and lashed out at the Brit, awful words flying from his throat. “Things will never be alright! You ignorant, foolish, dimwitted mortal...you are as foolish as the day I met you, why don't you make things better and get out! You’re nothing to me, no help, no anything! You are nothing! You think you are helped,” Loki scoffed, “but you're just making everything worse, you mewling quim.” Thomas was in tears by the time the ravenette finished his rant. “Go, weep somewhere else, I cannot be bothered with your petty sadness.” The brunette’s face scrunched up into some sort of agony “my petty sadness?” It was a small question, the three words hanging in the air before he turned on his heel and stormed towards the door.

You're gone, gone, gone away

The actor threw his coat on before slamming the door open and marching through the door. Loki then realized all those horrid things he had said, he was never in his right mind when he was forced into one of those fits. It was like his mind had simply disappeared whenever he lost his temper, unable to control it like he used to.

I watched you disappear

He had ran outside and called out to his mortal, attempting to run to him before he got into the car, but tripping over his own foot. Thomas started the car after a moment, gaze seemingly desiring to go back to the god, but he didn't. Loki watched him disappear into the distance, he was gone.

All that's left is the ghost of you.

Days passed with no return of his mortal and his state of mind trembled in all its fragility. Lingering scents of the Brit remained, a ghosted reminder that he had once lived here. This was a small home, it was basically nothing for Thomas but everything for Loki. The actor moved around so much, travelled so much that lived in one spot was something trivial.

Now we're torn, torn, torn apart,

And that's why the Brit wouldn't return, that's why he was done trying to mend Loki's mind, why he wasn't coming back. They would each go their own ways, the ravenette’s path promising darkness and insanity without the soothing presence of his partner.

There's nothing we can do

The god lost himself in a matter of hours from that points, tears streaming down his face as he screamed. He couldn't name how many times he had stubbed his toe on the doorway, nor how many times he stepped on the knives that had clattered to the ground.

Just let me go we'll meet again soon

There was a knock on the door by the time the god had fallen to the ground, a whimpering mess. A knife sat embedded within the skin on his arm, his anger resorting to self harm.

Now wait, wait, wait for me

Thomas came in through the door but Loki was buried to deep within his own mind to lift his head up and investigate the sound. There was a gasp from the entrance of the house that caused the man to look up from his arms. The Brit rounded the corner, eyes sliding from the drops of blood to the ravenette’s sobbing form.

Please hang around

“Love...what have you done..?” Tom had croaked out, slipping to his knees before Loki, tugging the frail man into his arms with ease.

I'll see you when I fall asleep

 

The god gripped hard at Thomas’ form, wishing to never let go, never to lose him again. “Why did you come back...you...you dolt.” Though his words were harsh, his tone wasn’t, the small apologetic he would let slip out every now and again lacing his voice. I’m sorry.

Don't listen to a word I say

The brunette heard it, he knew the ravenette well enough by now, knew enough to tell when he was subtly apologizing. Thanking him for his return. “I never intended on staying away forever, this is still my home after all, dear,” the brunette smiled sadly, tears dripping down his face as he tangled his hands within Loki’s locks.

The screams all sound the same

 

Tenderly, the actor dropped his smile and brought his hands down to travel down the ravenette’s arms, fingertips grazing the multiple red lines. They oozed sticky red onto his palms, the liquid clinging to his hands like he had slaughtered someone. “You didn’t...you didn’t hit a vein did you, love?” the Brit asked gently, voice soft as a feather.

Though the truth may vary

Loki shook his head softly, the motion slow and hesitant for he did not know for a fact if he did or not. The hands on his arms suddenly moved up to rest on his shoulder, limbs trembling and gripping the god hard. The ravenette glanced up, eyes widening slightly at seeing Tom’s squinted, watering eyes. That was all he saw before the brunette ducked down and nestled into his chest, sobbing loudly and clinging to the god with such a force Loki thought he would be crushed in two.

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

“I-I-I-I-I’m so sorry, I-I can’t e-even begin to-to fathom how-how awful you must have felt,” the brunette whispered out, stuttering like a fool, a sobbing lost fool.

Don't listen to a word I say

In his own way to explain to his beloved that he was not at fault, he brought his hand to rest on the back of those chestnut curls, humming softly. Scarlet seeped onto Tom’s neck and Loki was surprised that the actor didn’t retreat away from his touch, his smothering touch.

The screams all sound the same

 

Thomas had climbed into his lap, screams and sobs giving way to sweet whimpers of fatigue, yet he did all he could to remain awake-to remain conscious. “I understand if you don’t forgive me…” the Brit whispered out after a moment, those words the ghost of what Loki had been about to murmur.

Though the truth may vary

“You are not at fault, my kitten, it should be I begging for forgiveness after all those hurtful things flowed from my mouth. I was not in my right mind, and I still remain mentally ill, but I will learn to control myself for you. I have gotten better over the year, will you have mercy and spare me another chance?”

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Thomas smiled softly through his tears, eyes sending a soft, sad vibe before he glanced down at Loki’s forearm. With the utmost care, he brought his thumb to wipe away the streaks of blood that had gathered there, remaining wary of the wounds inflicted on the skin nearby.

Though the truth may vary

After a moment, the brunette glanced up, looking the god directly in the eye “you do not need to beg when you already have it. You will always own my forgiveness, my dear. My Loki.”

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

His mortal said such sweet, sweet words to him after all he had done. The most he could do, the most he could ever do was let a sincere smile slip past his lips. “Thank you.” Taking note on the grin, Tom replied with one of his cute smiles, recalling just how rare even a smirk was from Loki these days.

Though the truth may vary

The brunette’s pale fingers brushed the ravenette’s cheek affectionately before he softly brushed at his hair. “Thank you...thank you so much for being alive. For staying with me,” Tom said softly.

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Another smile to accompany his furrowed brows. “Likewise, my love.”


End file.
